The Ultimate Guide to Buying Lakers Tickets

Well if you’ve been living under a rock (or in the greater Sacramento area) for the last 20 years and haven’t heard of the internet, then you’re in luck. It is for you that God made scalpers.

Scalpers typically scare most people, and for good reason. Scalping tickets is kind of like buying drugs, only on a slightly smaller level. Seriously, scalping tickets is one of the most dangerous activities many of us will ever engage in. You think most scalpers would think twice about slitting your throat? Think again.

One of my most memorable moments was scalping tickets to see the Lakers play Jason Kidd and the Phoenix Suns at the Great Western Forum in Inglewood. I’m not sure if there is a formal measurement for this, but the scalpers outside of The Forum were some of the craziest dudes in the league. I’m pretty sure their guns-to-scalpers ratio was something like 3 to 1. Now try being a skinny high school kid from Orange County attempting to strike a deal with these people after dark. I’m telling you, no amount words can describe my anxiety in those moments.

If you can get past the sheer terror of the process and follow some simple ground rules, then scalping tickets can be your best option. Rule Number 1: Never trust a scalper. Assume everything that comes out of their mouth is a lie. Remember, they are there to hustle you and get as much of your hard earned money as they can. There are no rules they play by and no governing body to take them down, this is the streets. Rule Number 2: Examine the tickets closely. Take a second to make sure the time and date of the game are correct, make sure the seats you are buying are together, and most importantly make sure the tickets are real. Rule Number 3: Never buy tickets before tip-off. Remember, all scalpers MUST sell their tickets and the clock is always against them. You think scalpers are scary, imagine the people they report to. So look at it this way, after tip-off they start to get antsy because they know that HAVE to sell their tickets or they become worthless. Thus the value of all tickets substantially drops after tip-off, so if you don’t mind missing the introductions then you are certainly going to find a good deal.

There you have it, the Ultimate Guide to Buying Lakers tickets. I know things look bleak Lakers fans, but in this Capitalist Society we call home we must play by the rules of Supply and Demand. Which means as long as the Kobe and Co. are bringing home the Larry O’Brien trophy, then most of us stand little chance of seeing more than one or two games a year. But hey, that’s why God gave us flat screen TVs.

On second thought, you could always just Google “Dion Rich” and start taking vigorous notes, but I don’t recommend it.
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