The Ultimate Guide to Buying Lakers Tickets

If you think being a Primary Buyer sounds fun, check out your options as a Secondary Buyer. First we have everyone’s favorite spawn of Satan, the ticket brokers. These guys have a Boiler Room style warehouse full of phone lines designed to buy every seat before you can. Here’s the kicker: they have no intention of seeing the game. Instead they just want to sell the tickets back to us for over 200% face value. Only in America will leeches like this make an honest living while people doing the exact same thing outside the arena are thrown in jail, but more on that later.

I strapped on my detective hat to be sure this alleged 200% mark up was accurate, and sifted through a number of ticket brokers to get some answers. To see the lowly Philadelphia 76ers play the Lakers this Friday, a ticket broker will sell you a $30 ticket in the upper bowl for $86. If you’re feeling saucy, you can even grab a $147 seat in the lower bowl for only $233. What a steal!

If you’re keep score at home, that’s an average of 225% mark up to see the ghost of Allen Iverson! Imagine what they’ll charge you to see LeBron or D-Wade.

Ticket exchanges like StubHub or RazorGator can be even worse (an average 250% mark up) because now we’re dealing with people who THINK they are ticket brokers. They actually go to the trouble to buy them on Ticketmaster with the sole intention of turning a profit. Some may call them entrepreneurs, I call them posers. Listen, if you’re goal is to flip a pair of Lakers tickets like a house on The Learning Channel, at least infuse enough capital to make your own boiler room operation. Have some self respect. You’re what’s wrong with America, and I mean that in the nicest way possible.

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