America loves winners—except when it comes to sports. America loathes teams that preside over their sports like overlords. The Lakers, due to their history and prestige, are despised from sea to shining sea in America. Part of it has to do with the fact that their alpha male, Kobe Bryant, is one of the more polarizing figures in sports. Most of the hate stems from the 15 titles and sustained success over decades.

When the Lakers come knocking, NBA teams and their fans always take their best shot at the Lakers. (This season especially, since the Lakers are currently wearing a target shaped like the Larry O’Brian Trophy on their backs). Many more teams consider the Lakers as rivals than the Lakers themselves consider rivals.

Despite this, there are still a few teams out there that can garner Lakers Nation a little extra satisfaction when they’re conquered. I have excluded the Boston Celtics from this list. The Celtics know where they sit on this totem pole. Also, as much as I enjoy defiling the Celtics in anyway imaginable, I  would feel like I’d be picking on a crumbling, decrepit team that is hobbling its way into the slaughterhouse that awaits them in the playoffs.  I’ll let their current slide back into mediocrity continue in peace.

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

Portland Trailblazers—They’ve never defeated us in the playoffs and really haven’t made any noise since the Jailblazer era. Perhaps if Greg Oden commits a felony this summer, they’ll get their jailhouse swag back.  I think they were much more entertaining (and successful) during the Jailblazer days. In a sick, twisted way, I miss them.

Utah Jazz (at EnergySolutions Arena)—Utah Jazz fans are awful. Their barbarity is shown by booing Derek Fisher—who was a play-off hero for them and generally considered to be one of the classiest guys in the league—because he left the team so he could relocate to a city where he could get top of the line care for his daughter’s rare eye disease.  I always love sending 19,000+ sad Utes home after another shellacking.

Sacramento Kings—Vlade Divac, Hedo Turkoglu, Peja Stojakavic, Mike Bibby, Doug Christie, Chris Webber… how did that team never win a championship? Oh, how could I forget. Their inability to sustain success over the last few years has led to a dissipation of vitriol in what used to be the NBA’s fiercest rivalry.

Next: Feeling Alive Beating #5
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