As I watched the Lakers game monday night, I was quietly annoyed from tip-off all the way through the end of the game. Well, as quiet as a die-hard laker fan can be, watching an inferior team come to our home court and rihanna our ass around the house then get away with it like Chris Brown on a jet ski just made me sick to my stomach.
The passion and the desire to dominate that was so evident in the 1st quarters of those Jazz games were gone. The eye of determination and thirst for blood never surfacing at all throughout the night, even with Sasha’s best efforts on Shane Bleed-ier. Yes, you could blame the 6 game layoff or you could blame Drew’s rustiness or you could even blame the sore throat Kobe was suffering from prior to the game.
But you know what, I’m not going to give excuses or allow these Lakers to give any excuses.
They talk as if they own the best record in the league – psst, you don’t have it!
They act like they’re the defending champions who can flip the perverbial “switch” (by the way, who the hell actually controls this switch? Do you remember any team that coasted through a game and then flipped this f-in switch to win a ring? no, i didn’t think so) and destroy teams when they want to – guess what . . . you can’t!
I know as we all scream into the television, we all wish they could hear us and do what we say even if 95% of it as biased as Fox News! But you know what . . they all have twitter, they all read the internet, they’re all very much connected to what where we are. We can make them see this if they really want to. This is our opportunity to talk to the team. Since I run this blog, I’ll go first
LMAoR – First of all, if your f-in coach is reaming you for a botched play, stop f-in smiling and do what he says! Next, why are you laughing and smiling so much anyways? This is the playoffs, you win or you go home! This ain’t some backyard bbq game where if you lose, you can just get some meat and get a beer with the other team! No more dabs! No more high-fives! Remember Kobe in NYC against the Knicks for 61? Ya . . . be that! Also, you are much too skilled to let a crappy shooting game ruin the rest of your line! You can go in there and box out, fight for position! Set the screens and for god’s sake – PLEASE STOP GOING RIGHT! The f-in league knows you can’t go right, so why do you fall for all their tricks. And this summer – go have your left hand and arm surgically attached to your body so you can finally work on your right! You’ve been in the league 8 god damn years and you can’t even make a lay-up man! seriously . . . not even a lay-up!
ka Pau – Call for the F-IN BALL! If you’re shooting 90% and they’re not feeding you the ball . . . call a TimeOut . . tell PJ to back off and smack everyone of your guards (including Kobe) in the head and tell them to get the ball to you however, whatever way it takes. You’re not the new guy on the team anymore! Did you see that graphic – Wilt/Jerry, Magic/Kareem, Kobe/Shaq . . then there’s You/Kobe! Ya . . . they put you in the group man! You have what it takes to carry this team . . . if Kobe is jacking it up 32 times for 31 points, that’s YOUR bad!
Drew-iahnna – There was a whole article dedicated you from Dime Magazine, but this is what I’m going to tell you. Grow the FCK UP! If you ain’t getting the ball – stop pouting & go earn the ball. Go dive on the floor and get a loose ball! Go get me a board! Move your feet and play some defense! Cover for your teammate as they rotate out on a pick! Set some hard screens (you ever hear of pancakes in football? well, there’s an equivalent in bball – go do it!) Knock someone on their ass if they dare do anything to your teammates (need to know how? check out Kenyon on Dirk) You’ll learn that doing the little things like this will earn your teammates respect. You’ll learn that doing the little things will earn the city’s respect and you’ll learn that doing the little things will earn the League’s respect! This is your city for the taking Drew! Want your number up there . . . . do the little things Big Man!
Mambz – Dawg . . . you’re getting tired right now – realize that! 191 games since last year with the Finals run we made last year, Olympics and then this year’s playoff run! It’s obvious your legs aren’t where they used to be and you’re going to have to face the facts that even though your 30 years old, you’ve got the legs of a 35 year old. It’s time to pick your spots and use those old man YMCA tricks to draw some fouls. Where’s that “lull them to sleep then sweep your shooting motion into their reaching arms” move? I haven’t seen that in weeks! Also, if you’re the leader, then I shouldn’t even be having to give this talk to you. You should be in everyone’s face and telling them this shyt! That ring ain’t on your finger yet man! Do whatever it takes!
Fisher King – You’re old man! Can’t fight father time! I ain’t gonna complain cuz you play hard all day, every day! Wish I could put your brains in Shannon’s head . . . that’d be sick!
Trevor – Ya, that 3 point display you put on in the Jazz series was nice and all, but STOP SHOOTING THE THREE! You forget how to slash to the basket and help get some fouls so we can cruise at the end of quarters with a free throw barage? Your defense is 2nd to none on the team! I ain’t even going to go there, but just to say Keep it Up . . . and Keep it Up in front of Lamar . . get him focused!
Chris Brown – Stop believing the hype man. Your 15 minutes of fame is over and it’s time for you to stay in front of these damn guard to keep them from getting to the hole so easily. I still don’t understand how no one knocked Aaron Brooks on his ass during his lay-up line exhibition. Remember what the Lakers did to Tony Parker in 2004 when he got a little to quick for us . . . we knocked him on his ass and he never came towards the basket again!
The Machine – Do you realize that you’re shooting 21.2% from the field in these playoffs? You need some WD-40 for your rusty ass? I’ll call AAMPCO any day of the week to come give you a tune-up . . really, I will! Do you realize that you actually do foul people and that if you weren’t wearing that purple and gold uniform, I’d punch you in the face myself for being one of the most annoying defenders I’ve seen since Danny Ainge. You don’t have to make the steal every time. Concentrate on getting in front of the defender or getting a hand up in their face a la Bleedier styles! Come back down to earth Clankinator . . you’re not as good as you think you are!
Jordan – So really man . . . what did you do to piss Phil off so badly? We got a 5’4″ runt running around the court and you’re the only man in the building who has a chance to stay in front of him and he only puts you in for a few ticks. Did he catch you staring at Jeannie in the wrong way? Maybe you left a glob of soul glow on the floor that Phil hurt his hip on! Whatever the reason . . . . say sorry and get your ass back in the game! And when you’re in . . take the ball to the hole like you did in the first half of 07. What happened to the fearlessness? Your contract weighing on your mind or something? just sayin . . . but is it?
LUUUKKE – You get a bad rap! You know it! I know it! People say you take dumb shots and that you can’t play defense. I say you’ve earned the right, too. Like I was telling Drew – do the little things that will get your team’s respect and trust and you’ll be able to shoot the rock when you want and how you want! I know the offense flows better with you on the floor. I don’t think anyone passes the ball to Kobe better than you and you make a honest effort to get Pau the ball when he’s posting up on the block.
This is what I would say. If they listen, great . . . if they don’t . . . I don’t care. At least I got this off my chest!
What would you say if you had a chance to speak with some of these guys?
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